A Youko's Journal
by SwiftSilver
Summary: Kurama has his journal from when he was a Youko returned to him by Koenma and re-reads his entries. And what about the new student at his school? (Yeah, read the inside summary or just read the fic) KuramaxKuronue (It's not bad. Trust me. Just...yeah.)


Disclaimer: I do not own YYH. If I did, Kurama and Hiei would have been a couple and Kuronue would be back from the dead(Which would have resulted in Hiei and Kurama deciding that they weren't for each other and Kurama realizing that he loved Kuronue) o.o This is sad. I used to be obsessed with KxH and now, when I've never even seen an Ep. With Kuro in it, I like him and Kurama together. XD Heh. Sounds like how I was originally with Sessh and Inu.  
  
Rating: PG-13 for KuramaxKuronue yaoi pairings and possible Kurama's use of language.  
  
Summary: Koenma, at Kurama's request, sends someone to go to the Makai and retrieve the journal that Kurama left there. When Koenma sends it back to Kurama via Hiei, Kurama reads through his old entries. And what about the newcomer at Kurama's school? Everyone says he's good looking but no one is sure of his personality...(Yeah. Doesn't it hurt your head to read bad summaries. I'm thinking/hoping the fic is better than the summary.)  
  
Notes: I'll start by saying that I don't know how Kuronue and Kurama met, anything that happened with them, or how Kuronue died. So everything in the journal just came to my mind. Which probably makes it obvious that I know very little about Kurama's own past because I've been unable to see any episodes or anything that gives much info. ;.; Anyway...I almost want to get rid of my Enasni fanfic because I don't really see Kurama and Hiei as a couple anymore o.o Which is sad. I might do it, too. If I don't get more than one review. O.o I keep forgetting to delete Blood Reaper. *Sighs* Oh, well. I guess all of ones fics cannot be liked. *Shrugs* Oh well. As always, I don't know if this will be a one-shot or not. So. Yeah... Here you go.  
  
A Youko's Journal  
  
(Kurama's POV)  
  
My attention was drawn from the book I was reading to my window when I sensed Hiei coming. I wondered what he wanted. He didn't visit me very often anymore, which was okay. I'd been rather busy with my finals.  
  
I looked down to see what page I was on before I closed the novel, setting it aside and standing up. Hiei appeared in my window, holding something out that looked like a black book. It took me a moment to recognize it but I took it from him when I did. Hiei left without speaking- He'd always had somewhere to go.  
  
My eyes wandered over the cover of my ancient journal. It had been ages since I'd last written in it. Hell, it'd been ages since I'd last -seen- it. Curious to see what things I had written, I settled down on my bed and opened the journal to the first page. I must have been young when I wrote it. It was hard to read.  
  
  
  
Year One- First Month  
  
Winter- New Moon  
  
When a demon resorts to writing his thoughts in a journal, would you consider them weak? I don't. Most youkai would, but I don't. What else am I supposed to do? I have no company and I am not about to talk to myself. Why not write down my thoughts? It isn't like anyone is going to read this...I don't think anyone can read my handwriting anyway... At the moment, I don't have much to say. I am starving and I have nowhere to sleep. I should stop writing. I need to find something to eat before I pass out...  
  
Year One- First Month  
  
Winter- Waxing Crescent  
  
I have been doing better at thieving. It is not too hard, if you know where -not- to go. Which is fairly easy to tell. Most of the time. I almost got caught this morning. One of the guards at the fort I was raiding was a shadow demon. Startled me at first but I managed to rid of him before anyone knew I was there. It is still fairly dull without company. Most youkai prefer to be on their own but I find it is hard not to talk to myself. Which is what this journal was originally for. But I can't take it everywhere, can I?  
  
Year One- First Month  
  
Winter- Waxing Crescent  
  
I was going to find myself something to eat today but it was a bad time. It seems that there is a pair of clans around here that are celebrating something and it would be too easy to get caught. So I'm stuck in my dark cave at the base of a mountain. Yes, a cave. I found it last night after I wrote my entry. It's fairly cold in here but I can curl up in my kitsune form and not have to worry about it...I keep asking myself why I bother to write in this if I don't plan on letting anyone read this. I still haven't given myself a satisfying answer...  
  
Year One- First Month  
  
Winter- First Quarter  
  
I've tried so many times to raid this damned fort but the guards keep catching me. They strengthen their numbers every night but I always manage to escape. It's quite amusing, actually. The more guards they have, the harder I have to work to escape. The harder I have to work, the quicker I learn. Tonight, I think there was another demon there besides me. He was on the other side but I could feel him. I wonder if he got in and out as easily as I have been...And I wonder what he was doing there..  
  
Year One-First Month  
  
Winter- First Quarter  
  
I went to the fort again today. I was wounded this time because I caught sight of the other demon. He had come back as well. I can see pretty well in the dark so I saw what he looked like. For the most part. I know he had wings...Bat wings. I want to meet him. I want to know what he was doing there. I wonder if he would help me raid the fort. Or if he is the traitor type...If he is there tomorrow night, I will follow him and speak to him...I think...  
  
  
  
"I remember that..." Kurama murmured, smiling faintly. "I only vaguely remember the rest but I remember that night very well..."  
  
Year One- First Month  
  
Winter-Waxing Gibbous  
  
I did talk to the demon. He said that he had been watching me and saw that I was enjoying taunting the guards. I think it amused him a bit. It amuses me that he was watching me. His name is Kuronue. We talked a lot tonight. I told him my story and he told me most of his. I'm guessing he left out just as much as I left out. Which wasn't too much, but I did leave out some. Like the fact that I killed my father. Even though I had good reason to do that. He abused my mother and I hated him...Maybe, if Kuronue stays my partner for a while, I will tell him. Maybe...I should sleep now. We're raiding the fort first thing in the morning...  
  
Year One- Fourth Month  
  
Spring- Waning Crescent  
  
I suppose I have neglected this journal. After I met Kuronue, I had no time to write. I've truly been enjoying myself. Kuronue is a good companion. I consider him my only friend now. We successfully raided that fort, by the way. I never wrote that down. The guards weren't expecting us to attack together, let alone in the morning. I'll try to write more. I don't want to neglect writing again. I want to remember everything that happened...Though Kuronue will never be forgotten. He's incredible.  
  
Year One- Fourth Month  
  
Spring- New Moon  
  
Kuronue showed me his former home today. It was attacked by an unknown demon when he was younger and he was forced to leave with the remainder of his family and neighbors. He split up with his family when his parents started to fight each other for food and his sister tried to kill him for his meal. He never told me that when we first met. He never told me that he killed his brother either. Which convinced me to tell him that I killed my father. It didn't bother him. He says it was a good reason, which makes me feel better. I don't think I want my only friend to turn away from me for killing my father. We're staying in his old house now. He wants to search the house and village for anything worth keeping tomorrow. He's asked me to help. I agreed, of course. If he wants me to help, I will.  
  
Year One- Fifth Month  
  
Spring- Waxing Crescent  
  
We didn't find much when we searched the village. Only a few houses were left standing and most of them had already been searched by wanderers or emptied by their former owners. We did find a few interesting things though. Kuronue gave me the necklace he found in his neighbor's home. It's a hematite fox on a silver chain. I'm still not sure why he gave it to me. We could have sold it and gotten enough food to last us a month...I want to ask him but he's been really quiet today, as he was yesterday. He's hardly said a thing to me since we arrived. I'm starting to worry...  
  
Year One- Fifth Month  
  
Spring- First Quarter  
  
We left Kuronue's village two days ago and he hasn't spoken even since I last wrote. I'm really worried now...I don't think it's anything that I did because he spoke to me a little at the village...But he wont answer me when I say his name now...I lost count of how many times I've asked him what is wrong. Maybe I should just leave him alone. Stop talking to him until he's ready to talk to me. But how long will that be?  
  
Year One- Eighth Month  
  
Lost Season- Full Moon  
  
Kuronue reminded me that I'd been neglecting my journal again. I really never thought that he noticed I had this. He's not oblivious though. He asked if what I wrote was private...I told him that it wasn't really but I wasn't planning on having anyone read it. He didn't seem to mind that but I told him I may let him read it one day...I was worried that I'd offended him. I don't think so now, but I was worried. The thing is, after today, this will be private. Why? Because I'm going to write something private down now: I'm in love with Kuronue. I tried to deny it, to forget it. But I can't. It's too hard. I gave up and I'm admitting it now. I'm in love with him and there's nothing I can do about it. And I'm not going to tell him. I don't want to lose him. He's my best(and only) friend. I can't lose him...  
  
Year Three- Tenth Month  
  
Night Season- New Moon  
  
Kuronue, once again, reminded me that I hadn't been writing. I think he forgot about the journal as well so it's been a year or two since I last wrote. I bet you're wondering if I'm still in love with Kuronue. Well, I am. Even more so. Have I told him yet? No. I might never tell him. He means too much to me for me to risk losing him.  
  
Year Three- Tenth Month  
  
Night Season- Waxing Crescent  
  
I'm not going to write for a long while. Kuronue and I have been very busy and I don't have time. I told him not to remind me anymore because I'll figure it out sooner or later if I forget again. He just smiled at me. In other words: He'll remind me anyway. He knows I wont remember if I don't.  
  
Year Seventeen- Third Month  
  
Summer- Full Moon  
  
Okay. Kuronue has reminded me various times that I've been neglecting and I kept forgetting again. I don't really know why he wants me to write. Maybe because I never tell him anything and he thinks I should put my thoughts somewhere. It makes me feel bad. He's my mate. I should tell him my thoughts. He tells me most of his. Oh. Right. The mate thing. I think I've been living the past ten years in a dream. Kuronue is my -mate-. I finally told him how I felt a long time ago and he, in return, told me that he had felt the same for a long while. So we've been mates for ten years. Which might be why I kept forgetting to write. Uhm...A bit...preoccupied. And look...I still haven't let him read this. I will. Some day.  
  
Year Eighty-Seven - Ninth Month  
  
Winter- New Moon  
  
This might as well be my last entry...I don't think I want to touch this anymore...It's been everywhere with me and it reminds me too much of Kuronue...He's dead...I -left- him...He told me to run...And I ran. I FUCKING LEFT HIM.  
  
Kurama stopped reading, closing his eyes briefly. "Kuronue..." Kurama murmured. He'd never forgotten his mate, though he'd never talked to anyone about him. Kuronue was always on his mind. Always. And, even now, he felt responsible for his love's death. He'd left him... Kurama opened his eyes to look at his last entry. He noticed someone else's handwriting under his entry and his eyes went wide. Kuronue...?  
  
Year Eighty-Seven - Tenth Month  
  
Winter- Full Moon  
  
Kurama, love. It would not have been your fault. I told you to run and you did. I am glad you did. You would have died if you hadn't run and I would have been at fault. I could not have lived with that. See, I lived. I managed to escape with the help of my sister. If I could only find you, I would explain. I will find you, Kurama. Just stay alive for me, fox. I will find you.  
  
Kurama's breathing was harsh now. Kuronue had -lived-. And he had returned to their temporary home to look for Kurama... "I wonder...If he is still searching..." But Kurama wasn't even sure if Kuronue still lived.  
  
Trembling, Kurama put the journal under his pillow and changed before slipping under his covers to sleep.  
  
Hess and Vin were standing by Kurama's locker when he got to school the next morning. He smiled wearily at them, stroking the journal that he held in his right hand with his thumb.  
  
"Good morning, Suiichi." Hess greeted, nodding her head to him.  
  
Vin tilted his head a bit, looking worried. "You okay, Suiichi? You look a bit tired."  
  
"I am. I didn't sleep all that well last night." Kurama answered, shrugging.  
  
"Did you hear about the new student?" Hess asked, excited now.  
  
"New student?" Kurama inquired.  
  
"Yup. He's handsome but no one knows much of his personality yet. He seems a bit quiet. Shy almost. A few girls have tried to get his attention but he seems to be looking for someone." Hess sighed.  
  
"Oh, give it up, Hess. You know you're taken." Vin rolled his eyes at Kurama, who smiled.  
  
"Suiichi?" Came a familiar voice from behind Kurama. His eyes went wide and he spun around, clutching his journal to his chest. "I must say, you look better...how you used to look." The new student said softly, his eyes half-lidded.  
  
"I'm glad someone thinks so..." Kurama answered, taking a step towards him. "And I must say that you look dreadful in those." The Youko murmured, nodding to the newcomer's clothes. He receive a soft chuckle.  
  
"They would not let me in otherwise and I was not about to cause trouble...It has been a long time...Suiichi...And I think I have missed too much for my own good. You will have to tell me what has happened to you." The newcomer's eyes found the journal then locked with Kurama's eyes. "Did you..."  
  
"I did..."  
  
"It would not have been your fault, Kurama." He whispered.  
  
"Yes...it would have. I should not have left you. Kuronue? We need to talk. Come on. Hess, Vin, I have to go. Take care..." Kurama's left hand found Kuronue's right and the Youko tugged his old friend out of the school. Hess and Vin just stared at the two.   
  
"What'd we miss?" Vin said aloud.  
  
Kurama shut his door behind him as Kuronue seated himself on the window sill. "So...Who's going to talk first?" Kurama asked, sitting across from Kuronue on the sill.  
  
"I will. I promised you I would explain, so I will...My sister, Rihven, had been following us for a year or so. She had gained her sanity back after I left and had since been searching for me. She's good at following others without being noticed so she was able to stay unnoticed by us while she followed. She saved me after you ran and cared for me until I could take care of myself. She didn't stay longer than she had to. I think she went back home but I'm not sure..."  
  
"Maybe I'll have to find her and thank her, then." Kurama said, smiling. Kuronue returned the smile.   
  
"We cannot do that until you are yourself again, Kurama. And we cannot return you to yourself until you are ready. You must also tell me what happened to you to turn you in to a human."  
  
Kurama explained what had happened to him before he became the human Suiichi and even went as far as explaining what had happened from the point that his human mother had fallen ill and on.  
  
"You have had much more adventure than I have. It's been rather dull, looking for you." Kuronue said.  
  
"I wish I had been in the Makai. I miss being a Youko there." Kurama gazed out the window at his mother gardening. He had been talking to Kuronue for many hours because the other demon had wanted to know everything that had happened. Kurama's human mother had returned home and started gardening.  
  
"Love?"  
  
Kurama turned his eyes to his mate, head tilted. "Hmm?"  
  
"Do you want to be a Youko again?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Are you ready to leave your life as a human then?'  
  
"I am. It has been rather difficult to keep up my reputation as a perfect student and son when I am also fighting with Yusuke and the others. I would rather not have to live in the lies that I have been living in. I want my old life back. Maybe not with all the thieving and everything, but the rest of it. The Makai, being a Youko, and -you-."  
  
"We must speak to Koenma before we turn you back in to a Youko."  
  
"Hai. We must...But...Kuronue? How do you know how to change me back?"  
  
"The whole time that I have been searching for you, I've heard that the famous Youko Kurama was turned human and I started to search for a way to return you back a Youko while I searched for you. I found it and it's simple..."  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"You will see..." Kuronue picked up one of Kurama's hands and kissed it. "Come, love. Let us speak to Koenma."  
  
"I will not stop you from becoming your Youko self, Kurama, but you are still part of Yusuke's team. You have not yet fulfilled your punishment." Koenma said to the Youko.  
  
"It's not much of a punishment, to tell you the truth. I rather enjoy it." Kurama responded.  
  
Koenma, smiling, shrugged. "No one's complaining so I'm not going to change it. Now, Kuronue? Would you like to join Yusuke's team? There is another tournament coming up and I'd rather not be there as part of the team."  
  
Kuronue nodded. "I would be glad to."  
  
"Hey! Pacifier breath! What's this about another tournament?!" Yusuke yelled, coming in to Koenma's office with Kuwabara, Hiei, and Botan.  
  
"Calm down, Yusuke." Botan said, blinking. "It's not like you don't want to go."  
  
"Yeah...Well...He still could have given us more of a warning. Oh, hey Kurama. What are you doing here? Who's the guy with the cool wings?"  
  
"Everyone, this is Kuronue. He is your fifth member for the tournament." Koenma quickly introduced. "Now, how is it that you will change Kurama back?" Koenma asked, jumping down from his chair and moving around his desk to stand a few yards from Kurama and Kuronue.   
  
"Kuronue says it's simple but he wouldn't tell me how he was going to do it." Kurama said, looking over at his mate. Kuronue only smiled.  
  
"It is simple. Would you like change you here?"  
  
"I would prefer it." Koenma and Kurama both said. Kuronue smiled.  
  
"If you say so." Kuronue stepped closer to Kurama, taking both of the Youko's hands in his hands. "Ready?"  
  
"As ready as I can get without knowing what you're doing." Kurama responded.  
  
"Forgive me if this seems a bit awkward. I don't think I've ever done this to a human before." Kuronue gave Kurama no chance to respond before their lips met. At the same moment, Kuronue swiftly cut his left hand and Kurama's right, mixing their blood. The room was dead silent as Kurama seemed to glow white. When the glow faded and the two ended their kiss, Kurama was his Youko self once more.   
  
"Simple is an understatement, Kuronue. And what do you mean you don't THINK you've ever done that to a human before? You better not have done that to ANYONE before." Kurama warned, gazing at him with mock-suspicion.   
  
"Do not worry. I have not. Only you, love." Kuronue release one of Kurama's hands to run a hand through his silver hair. "Red really isn't your color. And I've never cared much for green."  
  
"Me neither. And I'm awfully glad you chose to change before we came here. You -do not- look good in human clothing."  
  
"Okay! Since when did you have a boyfriend, Kurama?" Kuwabara demanded.  
  
"I don't think they're just that, Kuwabara. Demons are very serious about love relationships. They don't take them lightly."  
  
"Botan is right, Kuwabara. Look at Kuronue. He has been searching for Kurama for many, many years after Kurama thought he had died."  
  
"Oh...Okay...So...When is this tournament?" Kuwabara changed the subject.  
  
"Two weeks or so."  
  
They started to argue about that not being enough notice while Kurama and Kuronue talked to each other.  
  
"What will you do about your human mother and friends?" Kuronue whispered in Kurama's fox ear.  
  
"I think I will write a letter and have Yusuke take it to my mother..." Kurama murmured, resting his head against Kuronue's chest as he watched his friends argue.  
  
"A good idea, if you do not feel it would be good to speak to them yourself."  
  
"I don't. Not yet. I will go to them eventually...and let them see me as I truly am. I think my mother will still consider me her son...I want her to meet you. She would like you. She has always liked my quieter friends..."  
  
"Kurama?"  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"I love you."  
  
"I love you, too, Kuronue. Thank you for searching for me..."  
  
"You know that I would have searched until my death..."  
  
"I do...If I had known you lived, I would have searched too..."  
  
"But you would not have died and come back as the human Suiichi to meet your friends..."  
  
"You are right...But still...We wont be able to go thank your sister until after the tournament."  
  
"I know...But we will manage..."  
  
"Yes..."   
  
Kuronue kissed the top of Kurama's head before resting his cheek on top of his the place he had kissed to watch his mate's friends.  
  
o.o Has anyone seen my right hand. I think I lost it around the part where Kurama says "Yes..." *Sighs* I will have to write a sequel for the tournament. Maybe Jin and Touya will be in it. Maybe not. Who knows. The rest of the fighters will have to be my own creation. OR! Each of my reviewers could make me a character with some skills that I can put in the tournament. That would be fun ^.^ Well, thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed this, and please review! Later!  
  
Later note: o.o I went back and reread that. *Is getting watery-eyed* It's terrible! It's all...*can't think of a word* I don't know! It's corny! *Dies* Horrid. ;.; Oh, well. You must live with the fact that Kuronue's method of turning Kurama back was really stupid. Yeah. If -I- have to live with it -YOU- have to live with it.  
  
Mr.Stuffy: Is it okay for me to say that I agree with you?  
  
Wings: Sa.  
  
Mr.Stuffy: Oh? I will anyway. I agree with you.  
  
Wings: And I hate you.  
  
Mr.Stuffy: No you don't. If you hated me I wouldn't sleep with you in your bed.  
  
Wings: Are you aware of how wrong that sounds?  
  
Mr.Stuffy: I am now.  
  
Wings: Good.  
  
*Mr.Stuffy the stuffed fox decides that this conversation is going nowhere and leaves to plan his revenge on the Wolfhome ranks for winning the staring contest*  
  
Wings: He gave up. Loser. 


End file.
